Conversations with my Son: Spiritual Insights from a Four-Year-Old
You know what I love? Amazing questions.
I love amazing questions because the question is always so much more important than the answer. Sometimes, the whole damn point is the question because it is the question, my love, the question (and not the answer) that opens your heart to possibilities.
When your heart is open to wonder, you can remember who you truly are. And when you can remember who you truly are, my dearest, that is when you begin the path to freedom.
So yes, it is the question that is most crucial to our seeking. It is the question that gives our souls new eyes to see and new ears to hear.
It is the question that pops the cork on the buttery, bubbly goodness of our god.
As one who seeks the Spirit in everything, I feel extra lucky to be granted the blessing of also being a mother. Children are so much closer to that original curiosity and wide open wonder, and they are lacking the social shame and self-doubts to restrain themselves from asking about everyday things.
My four year old asks the most amazing questions. Questions I have forgotten. Questions that stir something old in me or, rather, something very young and innocent. Something of the divine. There is effervescent joy in the liberated awareness that something mundane and simple is actually wildly miraculous from a different perspective. It is his questions that let me see the world anew.
My son is curious about everything. I mean, EVERYTHING. From how gravity works ("Why don’t the people on the upside down part of the earth fall off?") to the mysteries of the human body ("Why do we have butt cracks?").
But my very favorite question he’s ever asked (so far) is, “How do we believe in god?”
Not “do we believe” or “what do we believe” but “how do we believe”.
To me, this was the most penetrative curiosity. It automatically assumes that believing is active. That faith, whatever your faith may be, shows up in the world through your actions, character and conduct.
Because it is our actions that define us, little love. It is our actions that tell others who we are and allow others that most intimate of glimpses into our very soul. Here is the truth, dear one. The truth that will hurt to hear but is no less real because of it: it doesn’t matter what you believe. It doesn’t matter if what you believe is even real.
What matters is what you do and who you are when you do it.
What matters is that you hold fast to the center, the deep down non-negotiable foundation of your faith, and love this ever-changing, increasingly complex and strange planet from that center.
What is equally (maybe even more) important, is that we make the space safe for others to be brave. Even if they believe differently than you. Even if you disagree.
I am not saying we tolerate intolerance. I am not saying we tolerate harm. I am saying that acting upon the foundations of love means making it safe for everyone. Not comfortable. Not easy. Safe.
And you want to hear the strangest thing? Making spaces safe also makes spaces brave. Brave to love and be bold and be wild. Brave to bring the complete and utter wonder that is ALL of you.
This thing we call god - this deeply intimate, infinitely faceted, unfathomable force - expands through the love we share between us. One of the (many, many, many) faces of god is how we love each other well.
Here is what I told my son: We believe in god by being kind to other people. We believe by standing up for what is right and helping people who need our help. And we believe by being good to each other - to you and mommy and daddy. How we believe in god is by loving each other well.
I am hopeful he asks the question again. I am hopeful that the answer will change and grow as our family changes and grows. I am hopeful that we can make space in our present and our future to include new ways of believing.
So now I must ask you, my love, because my curiosity is piqued and I would be honored if you shared your answer with us:
How do you believe in god?